Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
