so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
