He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
