i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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