4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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