Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
