Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize