i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
