i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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