Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
