is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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