i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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