Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize