Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
