That's intense
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
