I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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