Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
