I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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