also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
