Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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