Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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