Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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