so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
