Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize