I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
