He had one of those small greek statue penises
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
