I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
