ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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