Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
