i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
