well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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