I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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