It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
