can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
