Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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