her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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