Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize