U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Are my feet made of real feet?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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