I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
