thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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