Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
