I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
People in love make me want to vomit
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
