I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
