Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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