Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
