You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
