they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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