winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
