Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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