I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize