I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
