he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
