You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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