just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
