my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
