We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize