He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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