i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
