you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
