And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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