if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
