Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
