I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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