Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
