Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
