Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
