we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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