He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
