he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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