dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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