ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
