From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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