I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need to calm my uterus...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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