it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
