I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
