I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
