perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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