I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
