Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
