he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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