If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize