So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize