Im at strip club and am horny
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
