Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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