we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
