U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
