She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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