we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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