how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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