Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
