i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
