I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
