The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize