I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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