I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
