life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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