u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
