i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize