I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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