4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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