do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
