I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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