Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
