I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
