I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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