i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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