when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
