I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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