I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We named our party play list daddy issues
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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