Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
