Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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