He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
