My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i will never coherently bang her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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