Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
