never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
