I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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