so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
