i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
