I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
