apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
