Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
