I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
