READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
